2019 is a shitty year

On new years eve, I had so much confidence in the year 2019. I said to myself, "2019 is my year. I can feel it". I said to my family, "2019 is our year. It's going to be great!"

Well then tell me how we have already gotten into 2 car accidents, my brother was hit me a freaking car, and multiple of my mother's friends and colleges died, including one that my mom considered as a sister. 

Nothing breaks my heart more than seeing my mom cry. And I have seen her cry so much already.

IT'S ONLY MARCH!!!

Just when my family thinks that we're in the clear, something else happens.

I hate this year and want it to be over already.

I hate everything.

I wish I didn't have to leave my house,

I wish I didn't have to go to school,

I wish I didn't have to talk to anyone.

I genuinely and truly hate everything.

As I held my mother, she cried out to God.

"Help us"

"Just give us a break"

"Please"

God, I know you're out there. I know for a fact that you are. If you weren't my brother would be dead. So please, I beg you, give us a break. Give my mother the strength to overcome this tragedy. I know you love us, so please help us right now.

I was standing at the doorway when my mom found out that her friend (my auntie)died. As soon as it was confirmed, I went to my room and cried. My parents probably thought I was crying for my auntie that just passed. I loved her and I'm sad about it, but I wasn't (it still hasn't really processed in my brain yet). I was crying for my mom.

it

is

not

fair.

She has cried too much already. 

When she heard me crying, she sent my dad to go to comfort me.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME MOM IT'S ABOUT YOU

It's going to be ok. I love you. Please don't cry.

*sigh* time to go to sad boi hours...