2019 is a shitty year

On new years eve, I had so much confidence in the year 2019. I said to myself, "2019 is my year. I can feel it". I said to my family, "2019 is our year. It's going to be great!"

Well then tell me how we have already gotten into 2 car accidents, my brother was hit me a freaking car, and multiple of my mother's friends and colleges died, including one that my mom considered as a sister. 

Nothing breaks my heart more than seeing my mom cry. And I have seen her cry so much already.

IT'S ONLY MARCH!!!

Just when my family thinks that we're in the clear, something else happens.

I hate this year and want it to be over already.
I hate everything.
I wish I didn't have to leave my house,
I wish I didn't have to go to school,
I wish I didn't have to talk to anyone.

I genuinely and truly hate everything.

As I held my mother, she cried out to God.
"Help us"
"Just give us a break"
"Please"

God, I know you're out there. I know for a fact that you are. If you weren't my brother would be dead. So please, I beg you, give us a break. Give my mother the strength to overcome this tragedy. I know you love us, so please help us right now.

I was standing at the doorway when my mom found out that her friend (my auntie)died. As soon as it was confirmed, I went to my room and cried. My parents probably thought I was crying for my auntie that just passed. I loved her and I'm sad about it, but I wasn't (it still hasn't really processed in my brain yet). I was crying for my mom.

it
is
not
fair.

She has cried too much already. 

When she heard me crying, she sent my dad to go to comfort me.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME MOM IT'S ABOUT YOU

It's going to be ok. I love you. Please don't cry.

*sigh* time to go to sad boi hours...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Generation Z

Image
I think our generation is crowded with kids who spend way to much time in their own heads, me included.  We hide behind masks of low self-esteem, self-deprecating jokes, and "humility" for what? To make others like us? To make us like ourselves? We pretend that we don't care but it's a shared secret that we all count our followers from behind the screen. . . . I tend to get inspired too easily and try to mold myself into another girl. She's not even who I want to be; she's someone different entirely. She has lots of friends and plays the ukulele and the bass guitar and the drums and she writes books and has a cool job and drives a fancy car. And starts edgy blogs. She doesn't have a name, and she's always changing, always spontaneous. She follows her dreams despite the risks and is genuinely happy. I wish I were as brave as her. I want to be a musician. but what's the probability that I'll actually make it in that field? One in a tho...
Read more

Anime review time! :)

Image
Hi everyone! It just occurred to me that I should link Myanimelist here. Feel free to friend me/message me on there; I accept all requests. Here it is:  https://myanimelist.net/profile/internet_shoujo You can look at all the anime I've watched! I only update it after I've completed a series.  I used to be strictly shoujo, but most of the anime I watch are shounen and seinen animes. Some animes I've just finished are Devilman: Crybaby, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and B: The Beginning. Devilman: Crybaby Review There's got to be something about putting a colon in the title of anime that makes it really good. Or maybe it's the other way around; colons are only in the titles of good anime. Devilman: Crybaby was really intriguing and I liked the concept, even though it felt a little done-before. Ryo was my favorite character. I loved his character design and his genius personality. I liked Akira too, but a part of me hoped that he would revert back to his norma...
Read more

When will I stop being dumb and ugly?

I'm dumb and ugly and stupid and lazy/ Why do I even pretend like I'm better than anyone else? I'm nothing. All I do is say dumb shit and get in everyone else's way. Of course no one cares about me. Honestly, the world is better off without me. Everything fucking sucks. That's essentially the mood for about the last couple years of my life. Everything fucking sucks. I should honestly kill myself but I can't even do that much. I can't wait to move out so I can wallow in self-pity by myself. Life sucks. When will I stop being dumb and ugly? There is no value to my life whatsoever. I'm so boring and fake. No one truly knows me at all. I hate it when people think they know me and make all these assumptions. Like what the fuck makes you think that you really understand me? I am a fake. No one knows the real me. You make know what I like and dislike, what my favorite colors are, but no one knows what really goes on in my head. This is stupid. There...
Read more