thinking too much

Making this post to try and distract me from the stiff that is going on in my life so here goes. *Disclaimer: it's kind of depressing, not going to lie. I also get weirdly into ~aesthetic analysis~  and it's kind of cringy. But you know what? I'm young so it's ok to be cringy and ramble on about things that don't really matter. In case you all are wondering (which you are not because nobody reads this blog), I get all of these pictures from the Vaporwave Wallpapers app on android. I love, love, love the 90s anime/manga aesthetic. I love how soft the jawlines are (more recent anime characters all have pointy chins) and the eyes. I love how the male characters look, too. Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon was my first husband.  I like these pictures in particular because the colors are so muted and the shapes are so soft and these pictures of cute anime couples make me wanna get a boyfriend lol. As if anyone would actually want to date me. I have a deep app...

On new years eve, I had so much confidence in the year 2019. I said to myself, "2019 is my year. I can feel it". I said to my family, "2019 is our year. It's going to be great!" Well then tell me how we have already gotten into 2 car accidents, my brother was hit me a freaking car, and multiple of my mother's friends and colleges died, including one that my mom considered as a sister.  Nothing breaks my heart more than seeing my mom cry. And I have seen her cry so much already. IT'S ONLY MARCH!!! Just when my family thinks that we're in the clear, something else happens. I hate this year and want it to be over already. I hate everything. I wish I didn't have to leave my house, I wish I didn't have to go to school, I wish I didn't have to talk to anyone. I genuinely and truly hate everything. As I held my mother, she cried out to God. "Help us" "Just give us a break" "Please...